“I feel dizzy. I feel like I’m going to have a seizure. Oh my god.” These were the last words I uttered as I faded away, transitioning into a foggy state of consciousness and eventually slipping into total unconsciousness. It was a feeling that was all to familiar, a feeling that I never imagined I would experience again.
On March 2, 2018. I departed for my bachelorette party at Walt Disney World. I was beyond excited for a trip that had been planned for almost a year. Who wouldn’t be excited for a girl’s trip to the most magical place on earth?! It had been a super busy week and I was so anxious for a much-needed break.
At the airport heading to Orlando, FL.
We arrived in Orlando around 1:30 p.m., headed to the resort, checked in and got settled in our room. We decided to spend a couple hours at the pool before our dinner reservation. Upon arriving, I didn’t feel quite right, but I figured I just needed a bite to eat and some water. I hadn’t slept well the past couple of nights and I had attributed my weird feeling to tiredness. We ordered some food at the pool. My friend offered to buy me a drink and I declined. I just wasn’t feeling totally right and was more focused on eating and lying down to relax. I ate my lunch, drank some water and went to lie down on a pool chair. As soon as I sat down, I became disoriented, got a weird taste in my mouth and I had a scary realization as to what was about to happen. I was going to have a seizure.
As my mind slowly slipped away, I could hear my friends scream “Brittany! What is the passcode to your phone?”, but I couldn’t respond. In that moment, I was totally aware, but I knew that I was losing control. My body wouldn’t allow me to respond. I was quickly whisked away to the hospital by ambulance. When I came to, I was being admitted to the hospital. My perfectly planned bachelorette weekend was quickly becoming my worst nightmare.
My friends keeping me company in the hospital.
As a child, I was diagnosed with epilepsy and would have Focal Onset Impaired Awareness Seizures, more commonly referred to as Complex Partial Seizures. Epilepsy is a disease in which a person has repeated seizures. It is the fourth most common neurological disease and 1 in 26 people in the United States will develop epilepsy at some point in their life. Up until my most recent seizure, the last seizure that I had was in elementary school and I was on medication to prevent me from having seizures all throughout high school. My pediatric neurologist slowly weaned me off my medication leading up to college, after consecutive years of not having a seizure. At that point, my family and I believed that I had outgrown it and seizures would just be a distant chapter of my childhood.
To say that I was shocked that I had not one, but two seizures 17 years later is an understatement. I was distraught. I stayed overnight in the hospital for tests and saw a neurologist the next morning. Luckily, my MRI and EEG were normal, but the doctor felt strongly that I needed to be put on an ongoing regiment of medications to prevent future seizures and follow up with a neurologist when I returned home.
When I returned home, reality sunk in that I was now an adult living with epilepsy. I was filled with great sadness and guilt. I felt like it was my fault that my epilepsy had resurfaced. Epilepsy was always something that for me was historically triggered by me being run down, sick or stressed. It’s no secret that this year has been extremely busy and hard for me. It’s been a year of change and with that comes inevitable stress. My stress level is something that I’ve been trying to work on, but obviously that is something that is difficult to manage when you are juggling working a full-time job, grad school, managing a blog and planning a wedding. I’ve always believed that I can do anything that I set my mind to and strive for perfection. The fact of the matter is that our bodies do have limits and I’ve hit mine. Although I’m still following up with doctors at home and trying to pin point the exact cause of my seizures, it is very possible that the seizures were my body finally telling me that it’s time to slow down.
My life has changed drastically in the last couple of weeks. I’ve lost part of my independence. I can no longer drive. According to my state laws, I am required to report my seizures to the Motor Vehicle Administration. My license will be suspended for 90 days and may be renewed at the discretion of a Medical Advisory Board if I am seizure free for 90 days.
I’m also now taking a new medication to prevent me from having seizures. Unfortunately, this medication has caused many undesirable side effects. It gives me headaches, makes me tired and makes me feel extremely moody. For me, the biggest change is the newfound uncertainty and anxiety that I’m experiencing, knowing that I am an adult living with epilepsy. Questions and thoughts flood my mind. What if I have a seizure at work? What will people think? What if I have a seizure while driving? I’m slowly, but surely adjusting to my new reality. Although it’s a tough pill to swallow, I’m aware that this could have been a lot worst. I’m very thankful that my seizures occurred in a safe space and I wasn’t driving. I’m also blessed to have amazing friends who took care of me and tried to make my bachelorette party special, despite the circumstances. I am also so thankful for my family and my fiancée who have given me the upmost support upon returning home. They have become my personal chauffeurs, driving me to work, to run errands and to doctor’s appointments. I could not get through this without them.
Post hospital stay and enjoying Epcot’s Flower and Garden Festival at Walt Disney World.
My epilepsy does not define me, but it is a part of me. I know that this is just another obstacle that I will have to overcome and will make me stronger. I hope that sharing my story will help raise awareness about epilepsy and some of the struggles that individuals living with epilepsy experience. Beyond that, I hope that I can prompt others to reevaluate their work load. In today’s world, it’s easy to get caught up in the craziness and pressure of everyday life, but we all need to learn to let go and relax. Stress does take a toll on your body and will catch up you.
I’m very hopeful that through raising awareness and continued medical research, we will be able to take strides in helping individuals like me to become seizure free and bring peace of mind, so that we can all live our lives to the fullest. For more information on epilepsy and how to become involved visit https://www.epilepsy.com.
